Physically Together, Mentally Alone

Staying mad at someone indicates that you care enough about them to waste energy over them. Being indifferent about them is that thin line where you kind of just realize that they really aren’t worth thinking about, much less worrying about and wasting energy over. 
To say that I’ve become indifferent about someone may sound harsh, maybe even heartless, but when it boils down to senior year and finally leaving California with fresh start, wanting to erase all the bad memories that have accompanied certain phases of high school, it’s really just like a memory foam pillow: even though it will morph back into its original shape, a part of it still remembers where you laid the night before, never really forgetting even if it is physically fine and normal.

ImageIt is a choice to remember more of the good memories than the bad ones, but sometimes the choice is not always controllable. As much as I want to move on and forget about all of the anger and what made me so upset in the first place, when it comes down to it, I can try and try and try, but it will still remain. 
But with time, anger has become indifference. I don’t care whether I see you anymore because when I do, it’s like seeing a stranger’s face. I may smile, but for the most part, I won’t take any particular notice because whatever we were, friends or not, we are no longer that now. 
Am I too cold, too harsh, too brutal in my words and actions? Should I be the bigger person and try and work things out again, even though I feel that I’ve given you too many tries and that you’ve exhausted all your chances? Or should I carry on as I do now, acting like our friendship is an extinguished fire, one that I’m glad has been put out?

Advertisements

Don’t Let Me Stop You

Suggestions for our well-being–we all know what we should and what we shouldn’t do, and other people know what we should and shouldn’t do, but when we hear what is better for us from other people, I think it’s a knee-jerk reaction to do the exact opposite. It’s the whole theory of reverse-psychology in a nutshell.

While I do understand how frustrating it is to follow through with what you may be told to do, I also understand that there are certain limits that you have to consider when you make your decision and not make it purely out of spite. In my own life right now, I’m deciding which school I am going to sign my Statement of Intent to Register with, and while I have gotten into a few truly amazing schools, only one of them is out of state.

My parents have said time and time again how they would have loved for me to go to UCLA and live with my sister, or even better, go to UCI and stay at home with them, but I think if anything, it’s pushing me away (I also didn’t get into UCLA, but let’s stay in the positive, shall we?). Don’t get me wrong; I love, love, love my parents and even though sometimes they can be a bit overbearing (aren’t they all?), I know they mean well. None of my siblings have ever gone out-of-state for school before, except for the month that my sister decided to study abroad in Germany, so having me leaving the nest is going to leave it barer than usual.

yes macalester

Ever since I’ve gotten my acceptance letter to Macalester, my parents have been completely supportive, especially because I’ve dropped my moody demeanor and have had a smile plastered on my face for the entire week and a half that I’ve known. My mom even got me this huge double-layered furry blanket to bring to Minnesota once I move into my dorm in August. My parents are even letting me travel on my own to Minnesota this spring break to tour the school, an option that was never allowed before because they claimed I was too young, or too unprepared. I love how supportive they’re being–how truly they must love because they’re supporting what I want even if it’s so far from what they want.

 

 

The Facebook Update

-Insert mini-rant here-

Truthfully, honestly, everyone hates those people who post all their college acceptances online. I mean, don’t get my wrong, Facebook is a great way to keep track of your friends and update them with your life, but I feel that all of February and March on Facebook is a bragfest. I know so many people who post all the schools they’ve been accepted to, without any real inclination of going there, but just posting it for posting’s sake. I mean, what is the point of it?

Maybe I’m just being a little overly sensitive, but come on! Why do people feel the need to brag and show every single acceptance letter they get. What’s funnier is that they don’t show the rejection letters they receive; they only want to show off the positive aspects of themselves. Of course, this is human nature and it can’t be helped, but it’s still unsettling and makes me so angry sometimes!

Image

 

I think the saddest thing about posting your acceptances on Facebook is that the people who are friends with you feel inadequate next to your acceptance, especially when a school that you considered a safety was their dream school. I completely understand that college admissions is a complicated, sometimes even a shot in the dark, process, but nonetheless, it presents this feeling of inadequacy and that people aren’t good enough.

By no means am I saying that sharing your success to the world is a bad thing; you should be proud that your hard work paid off, but I think some people take it too far and instead of showing the world their success and what they’re truly proud of, they are boasting and bragging about their supremacy above others.

Cometh Forth, Decisions

The month that I’ve been waiting for since senior year started has finally come. I feel like March is that final moment, the one that shows me whether or not the last four years of my educational career was successful or not. Okay, that was a bit melodramatic, but you get my drift.

To be honest, I expected this month to be more exciting; I expected to be getting an adrenaline rush every time I saw a new email or a piece of mail from one of my colleges. But it’s been surprisingly calm, collected, if not a little stoic. Other than my most recent acceptance, which I literally screamed about from upstairs, causing my brother to run up and throw on his concerned-big-brother face, receiving my decisions has been like checking my ordinary mail. I’m not sure what to expect, but I also know that whatever the decision is, my life will only be altered in the way I want it to be.

I think the hardest thing about this month is not coping with my own rejections, but rather seeing how some of my closest friends cope with theirs. It’s difficult to find the right things to say, to show them that even though a specific school does not want them, that they still have so much opportunity to keep on going, to keep on collecting acceptance letters even if they have that one rejection. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve gotten rejected from UCLA, but to be honest, I wasn’t expecting myself to get in. It’s truly disheartening to set yourself up for failure, and of course there was still that tiny piece of me that hoped and hoped, but I was also being what I call a realist. During this time, I feel like that’s one of those things that’s keeping me going.

A few days ago, one of my friends even posted a joke about her rejection, showing that though she was disappointed, she wasn’t going to let one decision get the best of her, that she’d conquer it with how the handles her life: with an open mind and the ability to not let these little things get her down. She posted “WOW I GOT ACCEPTED IN UCI BUT THEY WORDED IT FUNNY THEY WERE LIKE ‘… WE’RE UNABLE TO OFFER YOU ADMISSION…'” which I thought was just the greatest thing ever because it was also the day that I got my rejection letter from UCLA.

Image

At the end of the day, I think the month of college acceptances truly opens up our eyes on how we deal with life and the decisions we make. Yes, it’s definitely hard knowing that certain schools don’t want you, but it’s a lot like when we start to work and we’re interviewing and interviewing for position after position, waiting to hear for the call back. In my own way, this month seems to be the most bittersweet my life has experienced.

 

I’m Backkkkkkkkkkkk~!

Hello blogging world,

After three weeks of no motivation, no time, and no sleep, I’ve finally come back to blogging to the very few that read my blog. Today, I’m going to be talking about bullying. We watched this movie called “3 O’Clock High” in my English class (we’re not quite done yet, but almost!) and it’s basically about this boy who gets bullied into fighting, you guessed it, a bully.

3 oclcok high

Where I am from, I don’t really see bullying as a problem, probably because I don’t really see it at all. Don’t get me wrong, there are always a few kids who are smart-alecks and feel the need to prove that they’re better than everyone else, but for the most part, I think the school that I go to does a pretty good job at being civil towards each other.

Of course I’ve seen bullying all the time on the big screen. Getting thrown into dumpsters, “losers” hidden behind coughs, and tripping the nerd in front of the girl he likes. It’s all been seen thanks to Hollywood renditions, but I have never ever seen such cruelty in real life.

Needless to say, I’m pretty thankful for the community I live in.

Living with Hows.

What Have We Been Doing:

For our innovation project, my group decided to do a sort of a DIY page, where we can take things that are around the house and create different things from them. Our original idea was making toys for younger kids, but that idea sort of went down the drain as we found ourselves making more and more things that are for the office or for the home. It  was pretty exciting just researching a lot of the pretty things that we could recreate with just a little bit of time and effort! 

Without Struggles, There Cannot Be Success.

Oh gosh. The struggles continue. Our initial bump in the road was simply coming up with the time to meet up and get some real work done. We had gotten a lot of our virtual research done, but the execution was still lacking. When we finally met up, I noticed that we got sidetracked quite often with the minor details, taking our attention from our main project. Once one person finished a project though, our motivation kicked into gear, and we actually finished two more projects in the same day. Now, I’m not too sure about my group members at this point, but as for my own individual projects, I have worked on one, but I’ve also laid aside the rest, somehow always pushing back and saying that I’ll do it later. Of course, I have my ideas (a lot of which have to do with dorm decorating because of my excitement levels for college), but I have to make time to really execute them if I want our project to be a success.

My Proudest Project

I actually made these photo holders for Christmas presents because I was inspired by one of my favorite Youtubers, missglamorazzi, when she made a snowflake brush holder using a candle jar. Since I don’t have a lot of brushes, and not all my friends (especially the guys) wear make-up, I decided to put a twist on her DIY and turn it into a photo holder to capture some of my favorite moments with each person. The picture below is one of the pictures Jonathan actually created so that we could post it on our Tumblr page to get our projects out to the world!

Image

The Next Step.

In the next of my unofficial “College Decoration” series, I have decided to do a customized glitter name canvas so that everyone can hang it above their dorm beds or the rooms at home! I made one for my friend Vivian for her birthday last month, so I plan on doing a step-by-step tutorial on how to accomplish that look in the neatest and most efficient way. The picture below is the pre-made one that I had completed for my friend!

Image

The Steps to Success.

1. Get together and work with a group of friends. Honestly, even though the first ten minutes, or even hour, may feel like a complete waste of time where you guys are just chatting, once you get in the groove of working, it helps to have other people around to keep you sane.

2. Don’t overthink it. If you have an idea, briefly go through the steps in your head, then execute. The more you overthink things, the more of a headache you’ll end up getting, and it takes out all of the fun in the project.

3. HAVE FUN! Don’t go through with a project that you know you won’t enjoy, because the chances are that you won’t even complete the project if you don’t have a passion for it!

If you want to check up on our progress, go ahead and check out our Tumblr page:

http://livehow.tumblr.com/

Singles’ Awareness Day

Nothing hits the single relationship status harder than Valentine’s Day and the cute pictures of couples going on their dates (except maybe formal pictures together, those are pretty cute too). To be honest, being single doesn’t bother me too much anymore, and it’s actually kind of a fun day to just be with your friends. Who needs a significant other when you have best friends, right?
Even though I’m feeling a lot more independent this year, Valentine’s Day kind of hit me across the face and caught me by surprise. I was eating dinner with my girls on Sunday, when I asked them what we were doing this Friday (since we’ve made it a routine to always just be together and hang out on Fridays after we volunteer).

Me: Hey, so what do you wanna do this Friday?

Lindsay: Christine…

Me: What?

Lindsay: I have a date…

Me: What? Why? Wait… It’s Valentine’s Day, isn’t it…

Yeah, that was awkward.

But what will I be doing on Singles’ Awareness Day/Valentine’s Day? Spending it with one of my friend’s so I can help her move a few of her last things to her new house! I’m actually pretty pumped up about it because it’s one of those things that you always see in movies, but never really get the opportunity to actually do (mostly because everyone who lives where we live stays pretty much set forever and ever).

 Image

The date is April 1st.

The day I hear back from my dream school. After months and months of crying and stressing over first semester and the possible chaos known as my first semester grades, the decision will come in only two short months. 

The date chosen is quite cruel really. “Hi, you’ve been accepted into Vanderbilt University! Congratulations!” Five minutes later, “Just kidding, April Fool’s, your whole life is a sham.” After a few post-finals tears, and a few days of wallowing, I came across something that inspired me to stop dwelling in the negativity of life and look for the good things that may come from it instead. 

Image

A quote directly from Pinterest, I found it so inspirational that I made a sign right on the spot, sharpie-ed right onto a canvas to hang in my room. 

How the Idea and the Reality Aren’t What We Expect

Relationships take a lot of work, and when people go into them, I think they all want the Hallmark relationship, where there are no arguments and neither of the pair want alone time and always want to be together. The idea, to me, of a relationship is something that is supposed to be effortless and I want exactly what the Hallmark model idealizes. But the reality of the story is, life doesn’t work that way and you can bet your life on the fact that relationships are like a two-way street, where if only one side is used, it wears only one side out, while the other remains untouched, unbroken.

Image

Image

The idea, after all, is this perfect example of what we all want. But in real life, there’s no such luck. The word perfect borders a fairy tale, where everybody gets a happy ending.

In the same way, Frankenstein likes the idea of the monster he creates, even obsessing over every minor detail for over two years on trying to make his monster “perfect.” When he finally brings his monster to life, Frankenstein isn’t ready for a relationship with his creation. He is terrified, mortified by what he thought was perfect. He runs away. He gives up. He made what could have been an ideal father-son relationship into a two-way street where the only road being worn down was the one taken by the monster.