Physically Together, Mentally Alone

Staying mad at someone indicates that you care enough about them to waste energy over them. Being indifferent about them is that thin line where you kind of just realize that they really aren’t worth thinking about, much less worrying about and wasting energy over. 
To say that I’ve become indifferent about someone may sound harsh, maybe even heartless, but when it boils down to senior year and finally leaving California with fresh start, wanting to erase all the bad memories that have accompanied certain phases of high school, it’s really just like a memory foam pillow: even though it will morph back into its original shape, a part of it still remembers where you laid the night before, never really forgetting even if it is physically fine and normal.

ImageIt is a choice to remember more of the good memories than the bad ones, but sometimes the choice is not always controllable. As much as I want to move on and forget about all of the anger and what made me so upset in the first place, when it comes down to it, I can try and try and try, but it will still remain. 
But with time, anger has become indifference. I don’t care whether I see you anymore because when I do, it’s like seeing a stranger’s face. I may smile, but for the most part, I won’t take any particular notice because whatever we were, friends or not, we are no longer that now. 
Am I too cold, too harsh, too brutal in my words and actions? Should I be the bigger person and try and work things out again, even though I feel that I’ve given you too many tries and that you’ve exhausted all your chances? Or should I carry on as I do now, acting like our friendship is an extinguished fire, one that I’m glad has been put out?

How the Idea and the Reality Aren’t What We Expect

Relationships take a lot of work, and when people go into them, I think they all want the Hallmark relationship, where there are no arguments and neither of the pair want alone time and always want to be together. The idea, to me, of a relationship is something that is supposed to be effortless and I want exactly what the Hallmark model idealizes. But the reality of the story is, life doesn’t work that way and you can bet your life on the fact that relationships are like a two-way street, where if only one side is used, it wears only one side out, while the other remains untouched, unbroken.

Image

Image

The idea, after all, is this perfect example of what we all want. But in real life, there’s no such luck. The word perfect borders a fairy tale, where everybody gets a happy ending.

In the same way, Frankenstein likes the idea of the monster he creates, even obsessing over every minor detail for over two years on trying to make his monster “perfect.” When he finally brings his monster to life, Frankenstein isn’t ready for a relationship with his creation. He is terrified, mortified by what he thought was perfect. He runs away. He gives up. He made what could have been an ideal father-son relationship into a two-way street where the only road being worn down was the one taken by the monster.

The Relationship Builder: Secrets

You confide in people you trust, you tell them your deepest, darkest secrets, and through that, you build your relationship further. But let’s go back to the beginning of it all, before you told them your secret.

Image

You don’t simply tell people you think are going to blab your secret out to the world your most confidential thoughts. In a relationship where you are ready to confide in someone with your musings, you already have a relationship built with them. For instance, I’m not just going to walk up to some random man on the subway and tell him that I have this huge crush on (insert name here) and he is so dreamy! Mostly because there aren’t subways where I’m from, but also because I have no connection to that man. In more cases than none, you typically tell your secret to someone you have a very strong relationship with. In the same way that you don’t share your political standing with a lot of people, secrets and meant to be secrets for a reason–if the spill, people question it, people patronize it, and people’s feelings get hurt.

If you promise to carry someone’s secret to the grave and (drum roll) actually do it, your relationship automatically becomes five bajillion times stronger, simply because it shows that you respect that person’s wishes and views and do not feel the need to share it with the rest of the world.

Trust Issues and How It Will Get You Nowhere

*SPOILER ALERT*

Image

Oh Othello, what have you done. Foolishly, Othello put his faith and trust into the wrong person, resulting in his wife’s homicide…by him. There were so many things that Othello could have done. He could have put his love before his reputation, his decision-making before his rashness, almost anything would have been better than killing his wife, then killing himself. 

His one true hubris, Othello also trusted Iago when it came to his decisions about Cassio. Not waiting for his second-in-command to explain himself, Othello takes Iago’s subtle hints and fires Cassio. 

Trust is the single most important thing in relationships, and because of his lack of trust, Othello destroyed his connections with Desdemona and Cassio. However, trust can also be taken advantage of, as seen with Iago’s relationship with Othello. To trust or not to trust, that is the question.